Misfit: in the line of fire

Loving one of the headlines in this week's South Manchester Reporter, which came out yesterday.
It's for an article about the Greater Manchester Police Chief Constable, who apparently wants to win the confidence of communities. Here goes (massive type, in blue):

I'll put people before targets

Well, that's really filled me with confidence, sir, I must say. Run for your lives! Save yourselves!

Mistake: definitely wrong

I'm so sorry to have to bring this up, but someone commenting about one of my posts has brought shame upon my Blog with the horror "definatly". If it's some kind of urban teenager txt speak, then my apologies, dear reader. However, I believe it's definitely a spelling mistake.
Peachy my sweet, there's a finite number of ways to spell definite (geddit?).
Thanks for your comment, though.

Mis-shape: trombone

Did you know the French for paperclip is "trombone", because of the resemblance shape-wise?

Brilliant!

I love paperclips; they're very useful in my current job.

Words: lost it

Unfortunately, Manchester University were pipped to the post by Oxford Corpus Christi and that darn Gail Trimble (who, bless, is getting a right royal going-over by thick people jealous of her fantastic general knowledge) in the final of University Challenge, aired last night.
Still Matthew Yeo, Henry Pertinez, Reuben Roy and teenage-face-pulling Simon Baker put up a good fight and were leading the way to just beyond the first half.
There was another brilliant word game round, which involved adding an 's' to the start of a word (which you also need to guess) to make another word...
eg, a bag of stuff you need to complete a task (obviously I am paraphrasing here); a short comedic turn on stage.
Over to you, Manchester:
kit; skit
More on iPlayer, I'm sure.

Words: Larkin about

Thought this might follow on nicely from the last post.
Plus I love a bit of Larkin.
One bit of English Lit I actually liked.

[Disclaimer: my mum and dad didn't really fuck me up.
I just made that up for effect.]

Philip Larkin, This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Words: cuss I want to

My father always said swearing was a sign of inarticulacy,
but I just never fucking listened.
So wrote Phil Hoad on The Guardian Film Blog.
It made me laugh.
My father said nothing of the sort, and consequently
I am quite potty-mouthed.

Misfit: a new age is dawning

Let's play charades.
Here we go: one word, two syllables, sounds like sewage, means all things spiritual and psychic.
Newage, really? Are you sure?
Well, according to Chorlton's latest venture, yes. Sister Charlotte's new shop sign tells us she's a newage specialist, and who am I to argue? Perhaps, it is a just a load of crap, after all.
I'm also wondering how well the business is going to do in the famous credit crunch-proof - but I suppose SC already knows, right?

Mistake: bored stupid

I've just seen someone's status on Facebook as being "board out of my mind".
Luckily, it's not one of my friends, else they'd be in big trouble.

Words: slang it off

Seems I'm just not down with the kids.
I've been reading an article in the MEN about Collins updating the dictionary by including some new slang terms, and I'm afraid I've never heard any of them.
Apparently publisher HarperCollins approached Bebo for help
with identifying the most widely used slang terms in Britain,
and these are they:
piff = good
breh = boy
shifted = get arrested (oh yeah, there's one I'll be using a lot)
stunting = showing off
co-dee = friends
Right, I'm off out to do a bit of stunting, innit...

Fixture: green party

Here's a date for your diary: Saturday 4 April,
when Chorlton's Big Green Festival takes place.
This lovely image is from the photo shoot I was involved in organising last week to promote the Festival and the Big Green Bike Parade, which forms part of the whole shebang.
Thanks to Sam Fairbrother for taking the piccies.

Mis-shape: between a rock and a heart place

I've been saving this pic especially for Valentine's Day.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Fixture: Friday the 13th!

Yikes, it's Friday the 13th.

Words: editing and proofreading

As of Monday, I'm back in gainful employment. Hurrah!
Here ends my existence of sitting around pretending to be a writer and filling the empty hours with voluntary work for Chorlton's Big Green Festival (see, you don't catch me swigging gin and watching Trisha back to back).
I'm going to be the interim Publications Officer for the Equality and Human Rights Commission, which is all very right-on and Chorltony, and something I'm looking forward to immensely. I get to do loads of editing and proofreading, so I can't wait.
I wonder if I get a dictionary and some pencils with rubbers on the end? Ooooh, I hope so!
Strangely, my horoscope for today alludes to my getting the position. Obviously I don't normally believe in that kinda shit, especially when it's written by Russell Grant in the MEN, but maybe I will do henceforth. (Oh no, it's just the beginning of a slippery slope sliding into the dark mystic underbelly of dreamcatchers and windchimes; it must be passed on genetically. Mother, what have you done to me?)
Anyway, that horoscope...
Capricorn
Donating time, money or energy to an important cause fills a hole in your life. Don't be surprised if someone asks you to work for a charitable organisation.
Wow, it's like he knows me.

Misfit: a Christmas carol

University Challenge also brought to my attention the linguistic phenomenon of "metanalysis", in which a new lexical item is formed by the movement of a letter across a word boundary (in the olden days, an adder was a nadder and an apron was a napron, dontchaknow).
I decided to see what The Oracle (Wikipedia) had to say on the matter, and learnt that, as well as metanalysis of words, there exists metanalysis of phrases.
I discovered that in the title and lyrics of the Christmas carol God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, originally merry was a complement with rest (in other words, rest ye merry = have a pleasant repose).
I, like many I am sure, thought twas the gentlemen who were merry (as in cheerful, jolly or perhaps full of the Christmas spirit, having been at the sherry).
Well, I never. Perhaps someone should get in there with a comma in the songsheet and a crochet instead of a semiquaver.
God rest ye merry, gentlemen.

Words: universally challenged

Manchester Uni are doing very well on the current series of University Challenge, and are through to the final. Hurrah to them!
Here's one of the questions from this week, which I liked (and for once wasn't about quantum physics or obscure operas by someone you've never even heard of).
In best Paxman voice, ahem:
Which common three-letter words begin with the same letter and end with the same letter, but have different vowels in the middle, and mean, in alphabetical order: sack; beseech; large; marsh, and a type of insect?
That'll be: bag, beg, big, bog, bug, Jeremy.

Fixture: mirror, mirror on the wall...

Thought it was time for a little reflection.
There we go. That's better.

Mis-shape, mistake, misfit: Si's sausage

I won't reveal the identity of the model, but...
Simon, is that a Cumberland sausage in your hand,
or are you just pleased to see me?

Word: scatological

I love talking shit with my friends, so I guess I'm a scatologist.
For a scatologist, this is mint. I just heard it on the radio;
it's Man City boss Mark Hughes talking about the shenanigans over the weekend of Shaun Wright-Phillips sticking the boot into Stoke player Rory Delap, who had pushed him over (all right, less of the boring football detail):
"Shaun was hacked down from behind and
the guy followed through on him.
In my mind that is violent conduct."
It's more than violent conduct, mate.
He was shat on. Good and proper.

Mistake: spice up your life

Even the fancy pants people at The Bar in Chorlton can't ruddy spell. Perhaps they read The Guardian too much?
Corriander.
Tsk.

Mistake: how deep is your glove?

This was on the packaging for the delightful ladies' gloves in Quality Save.
Ladie's gloves.
Bloody Nora.

Mistake: lovely bones

Today, it snowed. Lots - especially on those in the South of the country, poor loves.
Much of the transport system was stuffed, and an overhead sign on one railway station made no bones (natch) about updating us on the state of the trains. Apparently "a skeletal service will run due to adverse weather. Passengers are advised not to travel".
Ew. I don't think I'd need advising twice if I was unfortunate enough to see the skeletal service they were offering...
Skeleton, non? (Skeleton service, skeleton staff, skeleton plan.)