21 August 2009

Going Dutch


As often happens when I go abroad, I am in a near constant state of ecstasy thanks to foreign words and their similarity in sound or spelling to rude phrases in English. I know it's quite teenage of me, but there you go. Swearing is cool; I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut if you say otherwise.
I've decided, therefore, to share some of my childish humour with the readers of Words & Fixtures, just because I can. I'm a blogger, see.
"Slagroom" (click on the pic to see it in hyper detail) was advertised for breakfast at the Glastonbury-like campsite we stayed on in Amsterdam. My brain immediately brought up images of a space filled with girls sporting nasty earrings, scraped-back hair and Rochdale bellies sticking out over the top of too-small jeans. Shudder.

20 August 2009

Gateau fabulous

A propos cakes, I never used to see what all the fuss was about. Now, however, I'm something of a fan, although not in a "Must. Eat. Cake." kind of way. No, I'm not obsessive, but a nice piece of Victoria sponge, lemon drizzle or coffee and walnut like my nan used to put together with her eyes closed is such a civilised treat on a slumping afternoon stuck in an office with cranky air con. I can also divulge that cake-baking works wonders in the world of the freelancer and as a result I have become quite the master baker; call it chow bribes, if you will.

Nonetheless, there are limits to kuchen-munching, and being forcefed cake from half nine in the morning is probably one example. This cake line-crossing happened at the wedding in Romania I've just got back from and wasn't helped by the accompanying quaffing of local schnapps/moonshine/paintstripper known as Tuica ("tweeker") and spinning around on the dancefloor to Europop. Thankfully, I was fine, but my friend Mark, who was also there, looked frighteningly pallid and sweaty even before sundown. Wedding over, we were handed an envelope and a little box, not unlike a McDonald's Happy Meal but with marriage-related graphics. The envelope contained a photo of the newly betrothed couple and the box? More cake!

Anyway, here's a joke about cakes, which I came across yesterday. Strangely, it was put on Twitter by the National Trust press office, of all things/places/people.

What's the fastest cake in the world?
Scone. (... s'gone)

Ha!

And here's aother cake-related item:
My mate Nikki has been accepted to stand on the empty plinth in Trafalgar Square on 23 August to provide a visual portrait of Britain. As her five minutes (well, one hour, actually) of fame happens to coincide with National Sponge Cake Day, La Nik will be rustling up some culinary delights, making like the domestic goddess she so isn't. I'm hoping to get some visual evidence of her "creations"...

19 August 2009

Rogue traders

Yes, Words & Fixtures is back on its original mission, bringing you all sorts of stuff and nonsense to do with words, and perhaps even fixtures. It's been a while, so let's get cracking.

To kick things off, W&F is proud to present a piece on punctuation.

One of my Twitter followers, a person I don't know called Russ Hirst, retweeted this. It's a good story, but whoever wrote the original Tweet managed to insert a rogue apostrophe. Duh. The irony.

RT @malcolmcoles: A man who paints proper punctuation on street sign's: http://bit.ly/tRSoN (via @michaelhogan)

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET!

Normal service will shortly be resumed...

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