Spec savers

Launching tomorrow night is the Speculative Fiction Writing Group. I'm still not sure if it's "speculative" because attendees will merely be discussing the possibility of setting up a monthly writers' group (ie the Fiction Writing Group is speculative) or because the Writing Group will be a launchpad for works of speculative fiction. I'm guessing it's both. Nice ambiguity.


Anyway, if you fancy turning your hand to creative writing with a sci-fi, horror or fantasy slant, hotfoot it down to Northern Quarter hack space Madlab for 7pm to lodge your interest and get your name in the unstoppable Kate "Manchizzle" Feld's little black book. Beginners or experienced writers are welcome.

(Jelly dinosaur by The Natural Confectionery Co. Roooooar. Yum.)

Television, the drug of the nation

So it's 11.01.10, a pleasant Binary wannabe of a date, and I've made it this far into the year without getting all grumpy and gripey about grammar, at least here on the interweb. Still, it had to happen at some point...
The Stretford branch of PC World has a sign up informing me, you and the angry man in the 4x4 as we drive past that they currently have stacks of TV's in stock. And a few superfluous apostrophes, too, if you want them. I think they're going cheap.

Thinking outside the box

I was just clearing my desk to make way for the tens of thousands of Christmas cards people are currently handing out (why? Why hand a card to someone, when you can just say the words? Bah, etc), and as I picked up the flyer from yesterday's trip to CUBE, lo, I did behold that tis littered with grammatical inaccuracies.

CUBE are delighted to announce it's annual Open exhibition. Now in it's third year the Open receives submissions and interest from around the globe. This year's exhibition promises to showcase 'the best' work by both emerging talent and more established artists' who's practice reflects current trends and debates surrounding the urban built environment.

Tsk. I'll leave it at that. But tsk.

Extreme methods of interrogation

This post is dedicated to my brother-in-law. He laid down the grammar gauntlet, and who am I to deny him an answer? The challenge:

"What is the word and symbol for a ?!. Apparently a single punctuation mark was once created for the two. Anyway I looked on wiki and didn't see the answer. I did find this quote though;

Cut out all those exclamation marks. An exclamation mark is like laughing at your own jokes.
F. Scott Fitzgerald"

My reply:

"With regards to your punctuation query, as far as I know, there is no such thing in proper usage, although an exclamation mark is often used after a question mark in informal writing such as letters, emails, websites etc (but obviously these are full of spelling mistakes and bad grammar, so they're hardly going to be held up as examples of good writing) and in cartoon strips and graphic novels (where the rules are different - it's fantasy!). For the purpose of describing the phenomenon in this usage, some bright spark (an enterprising advertising bod, no less) came up with the name 'interrobang' or 'interabang' - there's more at this Wikipedia link (although we all know not to believe everything we read on Wikipedia, so who knows). If you want to know more about ligatures, see this Words & Fixtures post.

"It is generally considered bad form to use punctuation marks together, so most people (well, writers and editors, anyway) inwardly groan when they see, for example, reams of exclamation marks together, which happens a lot these days in emails and texts. An exclamation mark is supposed to create enough impact on its on, and it should be used sparingly otherwise the impact is lost. You may notice the general lack of exclamation marks in the broadsheets while tabloids, however, love them. Go figure.

"An exclamation mark following a question mark is unnecessary and is merely emphasising that you'd noticed something or find something hilarious and are pointing it out, so it's a bit like showing off. As The Great Gatsby author you quote so eloquently details, it's kind of akin to laughing at your own jokes.

"Hope this helps. Regards etc..."

So there you have it. Interrobang: the upstart punctuation superhero on the block. Or possibly a super-strength drain unblocker with a crap sense of humour. Any more random grammar queries, dear reader, please feel free to get in touch via the usual communication channels.

(By weird coincidence, while writing this, the interrobang symbol appeared in my Twitter feed after one of my peeps used the new Retweet facility to share something by @FakeAPStylebook, who uses the mark as their avatar and seems to be a grammar geek. We like.)

Righting the wrongs of apostrophe placement

If there's one thing you all know about me by now (and, in the words of the ginger-haired Manc one, if you don't know me by now, then you'll never ever know me. I sat next to him once in the "legendary" Hacienda, BTW. There's one to tell your grandchildren), it's that I'm a stickler for grammar rules. I get particularly peeved by the misuse of apostrophes, and believe on-the-spot fines should be introduced to weed out the worst offenders.

Imagine my joy, then, when my good friend technicalfault sent me this handy guide on How To Use An Apostrophe. And if you can't work out the correct usage of the popular punctuation mark after perusing this picture-plentiful tutorial, I will be contacting the authorities to revoke your A-star GCSEs! I'm serious. This is the power I wield.

Let's study guide

I like Trof, I really do. I like all three of them, actually, but especially the one in Fallowfield as it's just near the Loop and handy when on a thirsty bike ride. I like that one in particular because it has its own-brand cider and lager, both of which are good and cheap, and it's all small and, er, intimate. I also like the whole thing going on with the "quirky decor" (as they would say in the old-fashioned press) and the funny little drawings with speech bubbles on the menus and the fact that the people who go in there don't mind in the slightest acting a bit weird, like using plastic cutlery they brought with them or talking into a mobile phone as if it were a tricorder (do you think that should take a cap - is it a trademark in the imaginary future?).


So I was in Trof Fallowfield, self-proclaimed "eating and drinking palace" (I remember when it was a really crummy second-hand bike shop), just having "the one" (which - whaddya know? - before long became "the four"), and, while I was waiting at the bar for my drinks to be poured, noticed the cute little sign flagging up the tips jar. I can't remember the exact wording but it was saying something like: give us some money "and then later lets go dancing".

I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it - I got out my Biro (that, I know, is capped up) and drew on an apostrophe, just like that; as if I owned the place. It was in the same style (blobby) and colour (black) as the writing, mind: I'm all for style. The girl behind the bar looked at me, perhaps not surprisingly, accusingly. "Just making it grammatical," I said perkily. God, I'd not even touched the fizzy pop by then, either. Do I need to be put down before I turn into Lynne Truss or can I still be rehabilitated before I go too far?

Politics and religion

It's not often you'll catch me discussing politics or religion. Certainly not in public, anyway. Perhaps it's because, in terms of the first, I just can't make up my mind any more, having been let down so often in the past, like a lonely spinster; in terms of the second, I've made up my mind, but I don't really want to offend anyone unnecessarily.

Or, perhaps, I'm now old enough and wise enough to know it's best to keep my mouth shut on both thorny subjects, especially at family get-togethers, and especially when booze has been imbibed. Ah, Christmas 2007...

So anyway, I surprise myself to be drawing to your attention yesterday's Thought For The Day, from the Today programme on BBC Radio 4. Newly woken and face still puffy with sleep, I was caught somewhat unawares and it took me a very long time (until the first mention of the Bible, actually) to realise there was a religious undercurrent as I perked my ears up to the talk of grammar.

"...when I was at school we were encouraged to be a bit suspicious of adjectives. Rules of syntax kept them firmly in their place. An adjective qualifies a noun or pronoun. They are not the important words like verbs: 'being or doing words', or nouns: 'names of persons, places or things'. For all their flamboyance they don't really tell you much. They may make you feel vital, vibrant and vigorous, but in fact their content is often vain and void. They represent aspirations, worthy ones, perhaps, but they don't come with dates, times or budgets; they are wonderfully cheap because they float free of concrete reality. They soar like helium balloons, raising our sights, but not delivering anything except, perhaps, hot air..."

It's interesting, this. I, too, GCSE guinea pig that I was (so grammar wasn't really up there on the curriculum's list of important skills to learn in English Language class; preferred were exploring abstract ideas and presenting your work at the front), was taught to be unliberal with descriptive words, and henceforth I've shied away from overly flowery prose and quickly developed a tendency to run screaming from anything written before 1950. (I'm getting better, but Thomas Hardy still brings me out in a cold sweat.)

I also find that excessive use of adjectives sees me getting my ersatz (now, that's a good adjective) red pen out straight away when I'm editing and have to cut to fit. Well, spurious adjectives and shit copy and crap structure.

Anyway, the full TFTD is here if you follow this link, and you'll see it sits in a wider context of politics, just to complete that circle of doom.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/programmes/thought/documents/t20091001.shtml

Snack attack

Also seen in the Padstow vicinity...
Printed on the bag which contained a famous Cornwall carry-out:

Authentic, homemade Cornish Pasties made where possible,
with fresh and locally sourced ingredients

It's my guess you can make pasties pretty much any place there's
an oven, so "where possible" counts out a) up a sea cliff,
b) down a tin mine, c) on a beach, d) in a cider orchard, etc.
(It's a grammar question, in case you're puzzled. There should
be another comma after "made".)

Still, it's true what they say about pasties staying warm for ages
(so miners could put them in their pockets on leaving the house for work and they'd still be toasty by lunchtime). This one kept radiating heat until at least halfway to the aforementioned rubbish pub.

Holy strawberries, Batman - we're in a jam!

Taken in traffic en France: proof Batman was really European - he drives a batmeuble.



Wonderful Batman-Robin conversation, found in a Google trawl (other search engines are available):

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You're welcome."

Rogue traders

Yes, Words & Fixtures is back on its original mission, bringing you all sorts of stuff and nonsense to do with words, and perhaps even fixtures. It's been a while, so let's get cracking.

To kick things off, W&F is proud to present a piece on punctuation.

One of my Twitter followers, a person I don't know called Russ Hirst, retweeted this. It's a good story, but whoever wrote the original Tweet managed to insert a rogue apostrophe. Duh. The irony.

RT @malcolmcoles: A man who paints proper punctuation on street sign's: http://bit.ly/tRSoN (via @michaelhogan)